Originally Posted by
Wascally Wabbit 
Also, notice how the alcoholic will always find someone to "take care of them". My mom is a total paraniod. She is always talking about me having to take care of her because she doesn't know how she's going to take care of herself. She forces herself on me like this. But, I can't do it. So, she will guilt trip my cousin into taking care of her. She already has.
The HORRIBLE thing is, I love her. I could not bear to see her suffer in some bad way.
Yet, I can't stand to be around her. I can't stand her period.
I cry over her because I wish so bad I had a good relationship with her.
This is
so true. They'll find a way to somehow
get their way, and manipulate the situation so that someone ends up taking care of them -- friends, cousins, whatever hostages they have to take to avoid looking in the mirror.
My dad is in a situation like this -- clinging to the house I grew up in, isolated out in the suburbs, refusing to consider moving closer to town, or -- god forbid -- to assisted living (which is for "old people" -- that's not him; he's only 88). My Mom died earlier this month -- but she hadn't been home in 11 months, since she went into the hospital last December. For awhile after Mom went into the hospital, I thought that maybe, just maybe, spending night after night alone in that silent house might convince Dad that it might be better to do something different. Ha! No way. The worse things get, the more intransigent he becomes -- determined to stay in that house 'til the bitter end. Right now, he's got my cousin (61) and a second cousin (mid-20s) "staying" with him -- basically, trading free room and board for being his chauffeur/companion and putting up with his crap. Well, fine -- that gets me off the hook for the time being.
Ultimately, though, he keeps begging me to move back home. Not a chance. My young cousin is planning to move out -- even with free rent, she can't stand it, and is going back to living on her own in a few weeks. "There's going to be a murder," she says... which about describes what it's like to live with my Dad -- it's hard to put a finger on exactly what it is, but he just makes my head explode, and apparently, I'm not alone! As the son, I'm sort of expected to be the martyr, I guess -- that what "should" happen, theoretically. But it ain't happening. I am not moving back to that house, no matter how bad things get. If there's a dead body on the floor, well, that's too bad -- but it's not my doing. My Dad has had, and still has, every opportunity to do something better -- and plenty of money to pay for it, despite his protests to the contrary. Whatever happens at the bitter end, it's his choice.
Whoops -- there I go again, flying off the handle. Stop me if it gets to be too much. But your description of things rang true for me, because I feel a lot of the same stuff happening. It does help to know I'm not the only one!
T