One of the many things that I have learned by living with an A is never be surprised - by their actions, words, behavior. I've also learned since I left him that I should never be surprised by my behavior. I was married to him for 24 years - in and out of rehab, dry drunk, actively drinking, promises, lies, betrayal, etc etc. and I allowed this to happen to me.
Not now, I work my program, I only have control over me, my actions, words and behavior. And I don't allow anyone to lie, control or disrespect me.
I've also learned not be surprised over what an addict will do, until they find sobriety and work their program they will continue to hurt themselves and those around them - they are addicts and that is what they do. Until I found my road to recovery I allowed this behavior to happen to me. K.