Hi Blizzard... don't be so hard on yourself. We've all given the addict another chance (and another and another) because we want to believe this is their time to change. Each chance I've given my AH lately, since I've found recovery, has given me baby steps towards ending this marriage. As much as I love him and want him to change, I realize
HE'S not ready to change. It's not personal towards me, its just where he's at in his addiction. At some point you realize... We can't save them, we have to save ourselves.
It's ok to grieve... give yourself time. Then start working on making your life enjoyable
again. YOU are worth it!!!