awwww, sweetie, it's NOT your fault.
I know how hard it is to take our own advice. I've been going through that with my dad, lately.
I've been trying to tell myself that if I want what is best for my friends, why can I not want it for myself? We KNOW it's best to let people deal with their consequences, whether it's related to addiction or not. It's just not easy to stand by.
I'm sorry you're hurting, but give some of that wonderful compassion you show US to yourself, okay?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy