Hi all,
When this forum was added, I embraced it and jumped in with both feet. I went through a lot of self-discovery and dealt with a lot of my adult issues. It felt good to examine this part of my recovery.
Then, I'm not sure what happened, but gradually I felt myself slipping away and it eventually got to the point where I was avoiding this forum. While I didn't realize it at the time, looking back I can definitely see it.
So, why am I back? B/c I had another one of those aha-moments earlier this week - and it threw me for a bit of a loop.
Do you guys pray? Well, I seem to talk to God all day long. But I was feeling particularly sorry for myself the other day, so I decided to get down on my knees and try it the old-fashioned way. And what came out of my mouth shocked and saddened me. It went something like this: "God, what have I done so wrong to deserve to be in so much pain, and why am I so unworthy of being happy and accepted for who I am?"
(In case you're wondering the pain I was referring to, it's the weekly emotional pain, worry and anxiety. I'm rarely at peace. Some days are good, but too many days aren't.)
You see, I thought I had gotten past those feelings. I thought I was growing in self-love and self-worth. I thought I was through thinking I was being punished for something. But I was wrong. Apparently, deep deep down inside, I still feel, well, worthless.
So, here I am, back again, b/c those feelings are ACOA and it seems I have some more work to do. The problem is, I thought I had done the work! So, now what?