metalskater

Hello,

I am happy to be a new member of this forum and have gained some great insight from reading some if the posts here. This is my first post anywhere, to anyone, about the following.



Tonight I am writing concerning my addict sister who lives states away from me (and has for 24 years), whom I do not see or talk to on a daily basis. She and I, though far apart in miles, share a very deep bond in spirit. Her story, I am finding through study and family members, is not unlike those of many addict's. I was made aware of her addiction 6 months ago and the following is what I have learned, and I have gone into much detail in order to assist anyone who might be able to help answer the questions included in my post.



My sister is addicted to prescription drugs (she has been for about 6 years now) and on top of that she has been abusing alcohol for a year. Since last May she has tried to take her life once (that we know of, and that she was hospitilized for and placed into 72-hour lock down for); has been in rehab 2x (one of those times was due to her attempted suicide); constantly says she feels like she is in a pit of despair; threatens her husband that she will try take her life again "and it will work this time", and well, I probably don't have to say much more.



My sister has always been looked to up to by all of her family members, her co-workers and her community, as are many addicts. My sister graduated in the medical field and had a very good, though stressful job in it. Prescription drug abuse became the reason she lost that job.



When I or others talk to her one-on-one she admits she has a problem, but also says she just has no will to live. She says she is always waiting for 'the other shoe to fall', always expecting the worse about things in general and has pretty much lost all of her self-esteem. Addiction induced feelings, or did she become addicted because of those feelings? In my mind, the more I learn about addiction and the more she brings up her past, it is most likely both. She was not always this way, or she was extremely good at covering up a lot of emotional/physical burdens and just made the best of things. Now I can't figure out if it is her addiction talking to me or what is left of her truth.



I am aware that only when my sister is ready to get help that her chances of recovery are better. She has been to AA and does have a sponsor. I talked privately to my sister's husband recently and he is checking into the possiblity of holding a family intervention at their home. Can I, even though I don't live in the same state as my sister and may not be there for the after-intervention-follow-up in person, be of any help in the intervention process? I want to be present for it and will if I am asked, but would living long distance be a limiting factor? Has anyone had experience like this?



Currently my sister is seeing a psychologist and is taking anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds. She was tested for bipolar but that was ruled out. Because she was severely abused in her first marriage her psychologist thinks she is sufferning post-traumatic stress from that. Her current husband told me recently that he has never known my sister not to take some sort of pill, from aspirin to other meds, and that until a year ago he just always attributed her pill taking to her severe neck pain and migraines (for which she had an unsuccessful surgery in which a steel rod was placed in her neck), brought on by the physical abuse she suffered. He believes that her only hope at this time, to be able to move forward in all of this, is complete detox.



My sister refuses to attend any more AA meetings (saying they do not help her). She does what she can to get her hands on prescription and OTC meds and alcohol (or the like). She had a job in a restaurant and was respected by all there, but had access to alcohol there which lead up to her suicide attempt.



It has come to this: family no longer allows her to drive (her husband and my mother keeps the car keys), she is not given any money (because she of course, finds ways to get meds and alcohol with it), and she is basically watched 24/7 by my mom when her husband is at work, and even so usually finds a way to elude her and gets a hold of some substance to get high. Her husband has even resorted to giving her breathalizer tests, almost on a daily basis, which she finds very degrading. If she so much as laughs or acts silly her little daughter asks her if she has been drinking and asks to smell her breath. My sister told me she feels like she can't act normal and goofy without being accused of being strung out. I can see how this all fits together.



Here is another question, and it concerns the endangerment of family members in my sister's home.... What rights does my sister's husband have in CA as far as admitting her to a facility when she will not consent to go herself, especially since my sister became violent with their child when was away at work? Her husband was quick to get their daughter, who called him at work, out of the house by means of another family memeber's intervention, but what if...???



I know my sister's husband is trying to find out what steps he can take to admit her to some sort of rehab (since she won't consent) out of his own frustration and concern for their daughter, and it seems that he is just grasping at straws. We're just crossing our fingers that no one dies in the meantime; my sister or another family member. Does anyone have any advice I can pass on to him? From what I read and hear, nothing can be done until she consents to get help.



I could also benefit from input on how best to keep myself in check about all of this. I am getting increasingly anxious about my sister's worsening state and the welfare of her family, including that of my mother, who feels obligated to help out (because my brother-in-law asks her to and her own self-induced guilt). I do try to look for positive things to fill my mind and time daily. I have read the AA Big Book and other AA material, have recently read the book Addict In The Family:Stories of Loss..., have been researching many things about addiction on the internet (which is how I found this site), and I am now reading Willpower's Not Enough. And I pray-- a lot; for my sister and all of us involved. Would attending AA or Al-anon help me, and if so, how?



I know there are a myriad of reasons why my sister is where she is at today. And since she is not really grasping true reality any more (due to chemical changes in her brain from the addcition), we are only getting bits and pieces of why she is doing what she is doing. When she isn't high she attests to the fact that she needs some kind of help and talkes about bettering herself. When she is high she says, as one might expect, that she feels like there is no hope for her and that she is just plain tired of living this nightmare. No doubt.



Thank you very much for your input to me regarding this.