Gneiss--I totally understand where you're coming from. I know that I started drinking heavily to self medicate. I suffer from depression, anxiety, social anxiety, low self esteem--you name it. There's a part of me that thinks that if I sort out my mental issues, then one day alcohol won't hold such sway over me and I'll be able to drink 'normally'. I don't know if that day will ever come. Right now, I am getting intense cravings for alcohol that are absolutely not normal. If I weren't taking antabuse, I might have relapsed.
For me, it's like I get this itch inside me that only alcohol can scratch. At this point in my life, I'm not worrying about the future and whether or not I'm going to have to swear off alcohol forever. I have enough problems without adding on additional pressure.
People in AA who have benefitted from AA feel very strongly about it. And, with most people who feel very strongly about things, they will often vigorously defend their opinions. Try not to take it personally, and get what you can out of the meetings.