Thank you everyone.. I really need SR, and my counseling. I have a lot of work on myself to do. I don't think I am suitable for a relationship at this point, and maybe not for a very long time. If ever.
I have been at that point in my life. My al anon sponsor was the one who told me I was right - sort of. I wasn't suitable for a romantic relationship with anyone else, but I WAS suitable for a relationship with my higher power, and also with myself.
There's nothing wrong with taking some time to heal. After the end of my very toxic and painful marriage, I made it a goal to become happy, healthy and whole. I did a lot of reading, attended meetings, talked to recovery friends, did some counseling. I needed time to learn about ME. I was so incredibly codependent... I could tell what his favorite movie was, his favorite restaurant, his favorite everything, but I was so squashed down in all of that mess that I didnt know what MY favorites were!
I had to build up my own self esteem and become a healthy, whole person before I had anything left to give to a relationship. I wasn't always great at it, but I learned a lot.
BIG hugs. There is light and life on the other side.
Cats