Sad,
It's gonna be ok. In the midst of all this pain - a miracle! CLARITY...You got clear about what is truly in front of you. And the pain you are feeling is in part because you have the courage to face this. Courage is about facing something/doing something *in spite* of the fear. Getting right in the face of the fear. And it feels terrifying. And you can get to the other side of it.
Right now take care of the very, very most basic things. Sleep, food, bath and reach out for support - just like you are!
Just by letting time pass, you are moving through this. Just hang on.
Big hug from here!
Tarheel