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Old 11-05-2008, 05:39 PM
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GiveLove
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I agree with TC. The things that helped me the most were NOT staying in the cycle of obsession by studying things that were HIS PROBLEM, NOT MINE. The first few weeks I spent reading up on his disorder, his behaviors, his stuff. The first few weeks I didn't get any better, aside from learning how to get through a day without crying.

Turning to my hopes and dreams for the future -- figuring out what kind of job I loved, how to have a little more money, learning how to be a stronger person -- these are the things that ultimately helped me break my obsession and helped me (eventually!) start meeting people that I could truly love, and who could love me. Some great, life-BUILDING books I read were:

Your Money or Your Life (Dominguez/Robin)
The Joy Diet: Ten Daily Practices for a Happier Life (Martha Beck)
Wishcraft: How to Get What You Truly Want (Barbara Sher)
Prince Charming Isn't Coming (Barbara Stanny)
Women and the Blues: Passions that Hurt, Passions that Heal (Jennifer James)
Making a Living Without a Job (Barbara Winter)
When Things Fall Apart (Pema Chodron)

As long as I was still in "his" sick world, I wasn't moving any closer to that love I was hoping for. I was still stuck. When I started flipping off his image on my brain's TV screen and focusing on MY dreams, MY life, then I started to heal.

There's a lot of joy and love out here, Wendy, and Chris isn't in control of whether you find it or not. You are.

Hugs,
gl
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