achanceonu

Hello All

Firstly I want to thank everyone for their warm welcome here and on the other forums. I have been surfing this site for about 5 years, but it has taken me this long with a countless number of relapses to "get it". I currently have 116 days sober and I love it.

But it certainly wasn't easy, and it meant that I was willing to go through any lengths to get sober. After my ex and my family took custody of my children from me (um, while I was passed out in my bed. Didn't even go to court), I admitted myself into a 5 day detox. Knowing that you can physically die from withdrawel from alcohol, I needed to be medically detoxed. From there, I went to a 28 day inpatient woman's treatment program. The first week or so was horrendous. I was a crumbled mess in the corner, feeling so sorry for myself and still trying to control things on the outside. I was blessed to be roomed with a wonderful woman that helped me to forgive my HP whom for me is God. Since praying every morning and every night, that huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I can remember the morning I finally woke up feeling "free". I learned to let go, surrender, and allow my HP to help me.

The second 2 1/2 weeks of the treatment center, I worked very hard. See they basically break you right down to the floor and build you back up again. On my way back up, I learned so much; about my disease, about myself, new coping skills, how to prevent another relapse; essentially how to live again!!

Once I got out, I admitted myself into an 8 week intensive outpatient program where I strived to learn even more. All the while attending AA meetings, reconnecting with a network to sober support, starting a new job that is flexible enough to allow me to put my recovery first.

I was humbled during that time too. Could have lost my life, Lost my children, Lost the trust of my family and friends, my car was broken down and I didn't have any money to fix it (still working on that one), lost my cable which believe me sux when you find yourself alone in your house all of a sudden with no children at home, I have an open DCF case even though my family had custody, they needed to monitor me. Although I didn't like any of these situations, I know that it was my actions that caused them all. I accept that and continue to work to gain my losses back. Being in the treatment center showed me that my bottom could potentially be so much worse, if I chose to pick up a drink again. I met woman that had been prostitutes to support their habit, been beaten up, stabbed, raped, homeless, death of children, HIV and so much more than I care to list. I certainly don't want to walk down that path of destruction, because I am eligible for all that and more to happen to me too.

Since the first day of my sobriety, my gifts keep on coming to me. My sister drove 40 minutes each way once a week to bring my children to visit me in the treatment center, for only 1 hour. Once out of there, I immediately went to court to gain visitation rights to my baby. Judge ordered them to be supervised by my sister but they were overnights at least 2 times a week and thankfully didn't need to occur in a supervision center. Out of the blue, my sister was able to secure the money for me to retain a lawyer because I didn't feel confident enough in my abilities to represent myself in court for the ensuing custody battle with my ex over my 2 year old. I take the bus to work, but that's okay. My brother picks me up at night so I don't have to take a cab since the busses don't run that late. My oldest daughter was returned to me, fully and completely, with the blessing of the court about 2 weeks ago. Last week my ex and I sat with my attorney and wrote up a temporary agreement for joint legal/physical custody of my baby, unsupervised when I have her, with the intention of gradually transferring full custody of her back to me once I prove to my ex more time. The judge will hopefully sign off on that this week. I had my first weekend without supervision this past weekend, and what would normally be a time that I would drink (my oldest slept over a friends house and when the baby was asleep I could have easily picked up) I didn't even think about it. Last week I had to drive a sober friend to run an errand, and didn't notice until we pulled away that I was parked between two liquor stores!! Didn't even phase me. Hopefully the car will be fixed this week too! I lost my soulmate through all this but we are at least on speaking terms and that is a start if it is in God's plan for us to reunite. I could throw all these things, and more, away within minutes if I pick up that first drink. I protect my sobriety at all costs today.

I am so truly grateful for so many things. My sobriety, my HP, my children, the support of my family, AA, my network of sober friends, the priveledge of being given a new life. My sister for basically giving up her life for me. Without her I couldn't have been a mom these last few months.

Today I put my recovery above all else, because without it I know that nothing good in my life will fall into place behind it. I have witnessed the miracle in myself and I chase recovery today. My life certainly is not filled with down times, but I handle them so much differently now. I don't have to drink today over anything.

Neither do you.

Perhaps my story can give someone inspiration and hope.
Thanks for welcoming me. I plan to stick around, one day at a time!!

:praying