Pixy I drank heavily for over 25 yrs. and here I am, 9 mos. sober. Maybe you're ready this time. I wasn't ready all the other 30 or so times I tried to get it right! I am finally at peace, because I know I can't touch it ever again. There should've been no doubt in the past, but for some reason I kept insisting I could control it. All the trouble I went to trying to moderate was driving me insane. Now I look back and don't understand why I convinced myself I needed it so badly to live. You'll be so much happier when you've broken free of the chains for good. A whole new life waits for you.