Ago

For me, as a sober alcoholic who drank after many years, then got sober again, here is my experience:

I get "support" for my alcoholism from other sober alcoholics

From my "normie" friends, I'd like support as "human being" not as an alcoholic, if that makes sense.

My closest friend has a brother with 20 years of sobriety, and he watched me go down the tubes and "hit my bottom" 16 years ago, so while he has experience as a "friend and family of an alcoholic" he has no experience as an alcoholic, and occasionally he will "give me advice" that is not "based on experience" and personally I find it irritating in the extreme to put it mildly, on the other hand, he has vast experience "living life on life's terms" and his experience, strength and hope there is extremely helpful.

So while he is an active part of my "support group" and "recovery" it's best if he stays out of "my alcoholism" as he has no experience as an alcoholic.

This doesn't mean he isn't allowed to "call me on my BS" if he sees it, he has been a pivotal part of my life and recovery, but it's best if he confines himself to his experience, and he doesn't have any experience as an alcoholic.

It's difficult to define, but for example, about 17 years ago, he came to pick me up from jail where I had been a few weeks as a result of my drinking and I asked him to pick me up a six pack, as beer was scarce in jail, and he brought me a six pack of "fake beer", and while we drove back home (3 hour drive) he ended up losing his temper at me, and told me if I continued to drink the way I had been drinking I was going to die, and since his mother had died from this disease, he knew how much it hurt to have a loved one die from it, so he stated unless I got help, he was going to have to sever all contact from me, because I was going to die and he didn't want to be close to me when that happened, since it was too painful.

This was one of the most powerful moments in my life, and I used nearly the same "speech" to my sister years later. I view that as one of the most "supportive" and important times in my life with this man, and because he was speaking from his experience, it was incredibly powerful.

So now that I am sober, I do value his friendship and "support" but it's as a human being, not as a recovering alcoholic.

I also feel that from this man, who I'd trust my life to, and frequently have, an a$$ chew or a hug when appropriate or his experience about living life on life's terms are all "support" even if I don't agree with him, but it's really best if he "stays away from stuff he has no actual experience with".

It's a subtle distinction, and I'm speaking strictly for me, but that's my experience, and I think it actually matches what both "replies" are saying, ie I can help "here", but not "here".

so give your friend a hug, go to the movies, go out to coffee (we like coffee) go out for dessert maybe, don't treat him any differently then you ever have, and that will be supportive.