Hiya all-
TTOSBT, How, specifically, is your husband a part of your recovery? What's your experience been in how to support a relapsing friend - from the alcoholic's standpoint - how would your advice differ or be less inside/outside than showing the person you love them?? Help me understand how my saying "show your love" represents an "inside/outside" mentality??!!
I said this : "They don't need or want my "help" in getting sober/recovered - I would be little or no help to them anyway!!" because it is true!
It is not me vs. them in this picture it is them vs. their addicton. All I can ever do is be supportive with love - I cannot MAKE the person get sober or get out of their relapse - it is up to them.
The longest stretches of sobriety my brothers have ever maintained has been when they have asked for help from other recovered alcoholics - in AA - not from ME, a normie! What do I know about how to stop drinking and beat an addiction of that magnitude??!!
After more than 25 years of watching first my father and now my brothers go through all the imaginable stages of alcoholism (and getting my heart beat up over and over again - so much pain) I had to accept that the most I could do, for them, was suggest they get help and tell them I love them.
So that's all I'm saying - not "us and them." Now, if they asked me for something - like a ride to a meeting or something like that - I would be happy to "support" in that way - but if they're not asking then, I believe them - I won't force my support on anybody. They are adults - they know what to do.
Peace-
B.