Okay, so I am working the steps again. Yes I've been through them before, so many times I can't remember. But I know that i need to do this more. Instead of focusing on my son, I need to focus on me. I am completely powerless, but I still try to manipulate, coerce, etc. Overt power plays are not my style. I like to do the passive aggressive crap that is somewhat harder to detect. This makes me all the more innocent when I get caught trying to tell people what to do.
As a teacher, I get paid to tell people what to do and how to do it and when to do it. So it comes quite naturally in my teacher DNA. Just for today, I will not try to contact my son, or call him, or take him cookies so that he remembers that he loves me. I will walk away, working on my own problems and situations, and let him come to me when he's ready. That may be a while and that is the hardest part for me. Not having the daily contact. But I have noticed that I have more serenity when I don't see or hear from him for several days. Today I am powerless over his addiction and over my need to control it. My scripture from church today says the same thing in a different way:"Be still and know that I am God."
krhea