Dear needing help
I cried when I read your response because you heard me and very few have had the guts to in my own life.
The PD could not find the single bullet when they attended the tragedy. After I called the bioremediation company FOR HIM and set that up. they stripped the room. A few wks ago he sent me a tm saying he was sweeping and found the bullet. I said throw it out and why are you telling me this!
I went to see him one night and he brought it out to show me. I was horrified he picked it up and then kept it. Maybe it was his sick token to remember her by or maybe I am wrong and it was a way to try and make some sick sense out of their weird and tragic behavior.
He took pics of the bed where the blood was because his family blamed us (mostly me) for her suicide - for having an on again off again relationship with one another. That is how it is when you love an addict. You end up leaving a lot. Coming back, hoping they can get well. Had we been more steady, said they, she would not have died. So he took pics on his phone and sent them to his family telling them this could have been him as well as her - if I had not come to his damned rescue.
Yeah I dont get why he didnt remove the bullets. She had been on the floor the night before with a loaded gun staring at it. Then came into his room with a second gun later and waving it around and was high telling him she couldnt get it to fire. He took them away from her and hid one under a blanket in his closet and the bullets on the shelf above. A monkey could have found them. I was SHOCKED that two wks after when we were cleaning up I saw several boxes of ammo in the top of his closet. I LOST IT. The night we were to have gone to the PD, I clearly told him to THROW OUT THE BULLETS or BRING THEM TO THE PD. He supposedly hid the ones for that gun them under the bed. WOW thats smart. And thats what addiction does. Makes someone STUPID as HELL. She put the wrong caliber in the gun but yet it fired.
We found her medical records in all of her junk strewn about and there is a clear history of drug abuse, rehab, Dfacs and suicidal ideation and attempts for yrs. She knew my EX AD FIANCE for three weeks before she decided she was in love and took her life. She was violent and attacked him and the night I drove up she came after me as I pulled in.
He also took pictures on his regular camera of the scene before cleanup. He said it was to remind him NEVER to use again. I dont understand why he did that much less KEPT the bullet. I was DISGUSTED. I asked my counselor about it and asked why he didnt get rid of the guns and bullets and she said when someone is that wasted they dont. But he was already withdrawing he said.
As for his family saying it was our fault she took her life - that was HORRID. He cheated on me with her and I helped him even though he did that...we were ENGAGED. She had a history of suicide attempts. One of her 3 ex husbands that came out said he wasnt surprised. I guess its been going on for a long long time. She was very very sick.
And yes...she would have taken my life and his had i not gotten him to go to the PD.
I brought the report I had made of the wks prior where she had taken my cell number from my ex and was calling and laughing that she stole my fiance and for me to move on. After I saw them together I never even spoke to him so her calling me was insane.
The PD here said she had a rap sheet and one more call would land her in jail. The cops in his jurisdiction were familiar with her as was EMS.
I guess his family is just as ill as he is to have blamed us for her death. No one made her do that. As much as I hate him now and pity him, he did try to SAVE the damsel in distress because he couldnt save himself and did not want me because I insisted he be accountable for his behavior.
TY for your understanding. This is why this forum helps. Each situation is unique and makes us feel isolated. This is the only place I have found people who know what it is like can identify.