Troubledone

I just wanted to share a recent insight I gained about my niece's addiction and the nasty aftermath.

For those that don't know - my niece is addicted to crystal meth. She was convicted of 2 big felony possession charges, got rehab, therapy, some time in work release, and then probation and this past August we found that she had been using all this time and also dealing. Anyway, now she's back in the workhouse only this time in straight time (7 months) and she'll need to re-do rehab, etc.

My insight...

I have been hoping, praying and doing what I can because I want my niece to be OK. And as I was praying for her last night, I realized that on one level she is OK...

She has a roof over her head (albeit the workhouse), 3 meals, services (counseling, AA meetings, education and the even have entertainment there on occassion) and a loving family.

At the very same time she is not OK. I can tell that the meth has really impacted her thinking. She makes odd connections that don't make sense, she's convinced herself that she didn't get "justice", even thought she's 100% guilty of her crimes, she has a nitwit boyfriend who is also a user and a criminal and she has the usual pride and bravado that accompany addiction.

And what this means to me is - in the ways that she can be helped from the outside, her HP has provided for her (the part that is OK). In the ways that she has to contribute to her own recovery, she's not OK - but no one can change that but her. And thank God she's in jail where she can't use!

So - I guess it just all adds up to I never had any control even when I thought I did and that I can let go and trust her HP. I love her and go see her from time to time, but I know that while I have a small part in her recovery, it's not up to me. A relief and a sadness at the same time.

Thanks for listening....I guess I'll just keep praying