Hi Shanman,
Welcome!
I also sabotaged every good thing in my life, starting in my high school years, and continuing for a long time. Eventually, I realized that I didn't believe that I deserved good things, and I actually felt more comfortable with failed relationships, jobs, etc. Stopping drinking was really a leap of faith for me. I had no idea what life without alcohol would be like.
Good for you in stopping drinking and believe that you deserve a sober life!