and just observe it without guilt.... be grateful for the good that is around me.
I wonder if it's the guilt of not giving power to his addiction and his issues that make me back slide/relapse into co-dependency? For me, being grateful and having gratitude seems so simple and easy - which is why the guilt - ? Because I am SO used to giving power to people/things/issues - other than myself - that it feels wrong - hence the guilt?
Having gratitude and focusing on me - SO MUCH GUILT. It's the laws of attraction as well ..... I can feel myself being tested in all areas of my life when it comes to emotional boundaries especially.
I have recently vowed to myself to not let other people's negativity and issues impact me (penetrate my space) - but they are just coming so frequent - and strong..... and sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. Like I just want to RUN from it all. Like when my mom called me stupid for telling my boss about the Jimmy Buffet concert I went to and that she was going too.... (she just started working there too this week - is in training)...... and on the way to the show last night - she said that she was worried about the boss knowing we were going. And I told her that he DID know. And she just kept telling me what a stupid fool I was..... "you are so stupid.... how stupid of you - what is wrong with you? You are such a stupid stupid fool". My gut reaction was to turn the car around - but we were 100 + miles from home... and I just took it. BUT - I did tell her about 10 minutes later after silence that I would NEVER name call my children. She apologized and then justified herself.
Anywho - sorry about that tangent there...... Hoping that TIME will help with my guilt of looking after myself and that I will keep on "keeping on" with my natural endorphin making!!!
But I will say - that it just sucks when it seeps in on the subconscious level - which tells me that it just means I need to keep working my program - so that I'm aware when it's happening or beginning to happen.