Hello Gneiss! I totally understand the things you are going through. I quit drinking over a year ago. I'm an atheist and I knew there was no way AA would work for me. I have never been to an AA meeting and never had a desire to attend one.
I discovered the rational recovery website (I'm not allowed to post the link, but you can find them easily) and what they said totally made sense to me. Using AVRT I learned that I was not powerless over alchohol. In fact, I am the only one who has power over it. My "higher power" is the non-lizardlike portion of my own brain. I just had to learn how to get it back in control, which actually was pretty easy. Once you understand how your own brain works, the temptations are much easier to deal with.
I went through alcohol withdrawal - extreme anxiety, palpitations, emotional lability, shakes, but they tapered off after a few days.
Now I cannot for the life of me imagine putting anything alcoholic in my mouth. Alcohol is a non-issue for me now. I still have my same friends - in fact I go to wine dinners with them - I'm just the automatic designated driver. I NEVER told my friends the real reason I stopped drinking. I told everyone that any amount of alcohol started making me wake up at 3am and not be able to go back to sleep, so I had to give it up. "My metabolism must have changed or something!" is what I said. Everyone seemed to accept that without question. If they thought anything else, they kept it to themselves. Unlike you, I am unable to admit to people face-to-face that I ever had a problem with alcohol. This board is my only outlet for that stuff.
I didn't discover this website until two months ago - I didn't really talk to anyone about quitting while I was doing it. I discovered this website while trying to help my husband quit. Once one partner quits, the other pretty much has to, too.
The thing that amazes me about AA is that the people who go there are locked up in this "one day at a time" stuff, when in reality it only takes a few weeks to get over the daily desire to have a drink. Then the times when you think "it would be great to have a drink" get further and further apart. Eventually you rarely think about it at all. In fact, people who drink start looking ridiculous to you (but you have to be careful not to let them know you think that)!
I drank for more than 40 years, and before I quit I kept the massive amounts I was drinking pretty quiet. I had an alcohol meter and would blow in it to see what my level was as I was getting ready to go to work in the morning. I'd chew gum and make some comment about "coffee breath". Pretty bad, huh?
So, check out Rational Recovery. They are pretty much anti-AA over there, but just ignore all that stuff. AA isn't for me, but if it works for people - they should do whatever works for them.
Good luck!