I understand what you are all saying. But in my naranon group yesterday, a very wise woman who has been in naranon for over 20 years (her qualifier being her ah), said that addicts have choices, and her ah hates when the excuse is made that they are addicts and that is why they do what they do.
Also, i am trying to get it through my brain, but finding it difficult that why is it that when they hit a bottom, whatever that is to each indivdual addict, does their brain finally function correctly and tell them they need to get help??? Why doesnt it keep telling them that it is ok??? And maybe for some it still does, but why for others it tells them they have had enough.....?? It is a baffling disease and i know that maybe i spend too much time thinking about it...but i need to understand what i am dealing with for me to move on in my recovery.
Sometimes i feel that if it is a disease, then shouldnt i stick by my ah (in sickness and in health??),.....and i start to feel a little guilty being so angry at him for something he cant help. At the same time i think that i didnt sign up for this, and he made a choice at one point to use (again though, i am in conflict with myself because as humans we all make mistakes). I know the best thing for me and my children is to get out of the insanity of addiction.....and at the same time, I feel sorry for him...I know that he needs to feel the consequences of addiction and maybe by us being a part he will, but for some reason i doubt it...(i think his brain will tell him i left for some other reason).
I need to find the courage to leave.....and i dont want to wait until something really bad happens.