I haven't been round this site in awhile and I couldn't help but wince a little at your post. Your hopelessness is almost tangible..and painfully familiar. Geepers, I struggled for years with feelings so similar to yours. Drunk or sober I was depressed...like deep dark down in the jowls of hell depressed. I took a course of antidepressants...and STAYED on them this time for over six months... something changed. I changed. I was "stuck" for years and years. I dunno...perhaps you've tried that avenue and came up empty. Your post just struck me and I just had to say "hey"