Sorry Bam - you're getting blunt Dee today. I've already lost two other sober friends this week.
I realized something today...every single one of my problems can be traced to people. People. People.
People can suck. No argument. But trying to change someone else, or putting the ball in someone else's court is a waste of time. We can only change ourselves - and change how we react to and how we interact with others. It's not easy but its better than doing nothing.
I think this is the key here
I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to care. I don't want to hurt. I'm actually holding back tears now. I don't want to cry. I don't want to feel. I want to be well.
Life is about a lot more than this, but it's about caring, and hurting, and crying and feeling. There's *no* escape from that - no healthy escape anyway.
There's no choice - we have to learn to deal with this if we want to be well.
Whatever you choose - therapy, anti depressants, religion, AA, buddhism, crystals, sacrificing chickens - it's up to you...but there are better ways, more effective, less harmful ways to deal with this than to self anaesthetise ourselves with booze and/or drugs.
I didn't seek help - I drank to the point where my alcoholism made my original problems look ridiculous by comparison. I nearly died.
We're all different. I don't believe in the cookie cutter approach to addicts, but I do believe that, despite our idiosyncrasies, we share a common problem.
Noone may be able to understand you completely, but some of us should be able to understand and empathise *enough*.
Your part in the deal is to want to change. No one is beyond help or incapable of improvement.
Don't let your difference preclude you from working on this Bam. This stuff will kill you, and no-one gets out of the mire without help and outside support.
Start looking for better and less insane ways to deal with your problems Bam.
D