--you can find any excuse to drink--stop making excuses for yourself--you can handle anything sober
OK....it's true I can find any excuse...and no....I can't handle anything sober...most things I can handle better.....but there are things that can happen that throw me for a loop and I become very vunerable to a drink.
I actually believe there is a lot of benifit to looking at the "reasons"/"excuses" that I have for drinking. It shows me what things are going to be dificult for me and allows me to make alternative plans to drinking. "Triggers" are important for me to idenitfy as it helps me learn to recognize them quickly and do what I can to stop the thought process.
I have my self, and have seen other people...reach the point where they stop trying to look at "why" cause they or I figure...well...I'm an alchoholic and everything is an excuse. Although there is some truth to that..it wasn't very helpful in helping me to find sobriety.
--you have to want it OK now this is the biggest peice of BS I hear!!!!! I guess because I have never seen it said that it didn't insinuate that if you don't have sobriety it is because you don't want it.
You know this is what makes this disease so scarry to me.....LOTS of people want sobriety and try desperately to find it and die or live a miserable life.
In treatment my intake stated....Ananda WANTS to be sober, she just doesn't believe she CAN be sober......that was my problem...I don't know why this changed, but i kept trying to find a way out of my alchoholism and at some point a change happened and I believed sobriety was possible for ME.
I always have to be different. I find that I really don't agree with what anyone has to say anymore. I haven't been this discouraged in a long time. I feel terribly alone...I'm not happy with my situation at all and I don't see any way in which to improve it.
I am different from everyone...uniquenesss is natural...I don't agree with anyone FULLY...I always have my own little spin....but I find I have much in common with many. I don't have to find an identical match to me to have caring and supportive relationships.
Some of my situations suck the big one. Sometimes it seems like my entire existense is a waste....but I've learned that those beliefs and feelings come and go and most of the time those feelings don't last longer than 3 or 4 weeks. Sucks when i feel that way but so far I've been able to cling somehow to the knowledge it isn't always that way and that helps alot.
...every single one of my problems can be traced to people. People. [I]People
Life is about relationships...its ALL about relationships to people, objects, ideas, etc. As I heal my relationships and find new ways to relate to the world and it's people I find that I have less reasons to drink and less reasons to be unhappy.
I have had times where I have had to shut down my feelings in order to get through...but I try very hard to keep telling at least one person about those feelings even though I'm shut off from them as shutting down is something I can do very well that can lead me to a really scary place...drinking or sober.
Learning to fuction with feelings is hard...I'm learning how to do so better each day...I believe you can to Bam.
I am glad I can care right now...I care about you and how much you hurt right now. It hurts to see you hurt, but I want to care and I want to be with you through this. Again...relationships are key to my sober life today.
I'm hoping (yeah, that's all I seem to do now) that one day this will all magically come together and *poof*, it's a sunny day. Why can’t I just believe that life is great?
Well...I don't know about the *poof*, its a sunny day part, but believe it can come together for you and that hope is key. Maybe not all of your life can be great...but maybe enough peices of it can be to make the rest ok.
I care Bam...please keep posting and sharing.
