gneiss

I'm not AA (or religion) bashing with this, I just have trouble with the basic beliefs of AA-

I haven't been to an AA meeting precisely because past step one, it requires faith in some god. You're welcome to believe what you want, of course, and I respect that most people don't agree with me--nor should they-- but personally I think people who believe in god have an electrical fire in their heads. Just my opinion. So how exactly am I supposed to participate in a program that attempts to to "restore us to sanity" by believing the insane? And since I haven't found any alternative programs around here, I'm basically doing this on my own, and chatting on the boards here.

I'm on day 3 now, longer than I have been sober in a year or so. I feel like *pooh* actually, I have so much anxiety. Yesterday was worse though-- occasionally when I drink I do other drugs as well, and yesterday I was kicking myself for deleting my dealer's phone number. Had to resist the urge to call using friends and see if they could hook me up, but I actually managed to get through it.

It's embarrassing to think about it: here I am, a pretty average, middle class college student (a bit older than average, but most people don't seem to notice) and to look at me you'd never know I'm a raging alcoholic who does coke and meth on occasion. I can hear my mom echoing in the back of my head "That stuff, beer, drugs, any of that, is for losers and if I catch you using it I'll turn you in to the police." Well, wouldn't she be proud? Someone told me I was going to need to tell my parents about my attempts at recovery, but honestly, after that, would you tell your parents? Ha!

Thanks for listening to me babble.