(((hugs)))....
I know exactly how you feel....
I never spent a dime on myself. My AH was always in and out of work. Each stint longer than the last. Finally, he filed for social security (which is still pending). No amount of money was ever enough. I was constantly fretting how on earth I was going to pay all the bills, including ones that he created, AND provide him with cash to survive. I, too, had the same rational: "A man needs money in his pocket, and it demasculizes them when they don't have a job."
It was never enough...when we split our marital assets prior to our separation...my AH receive $10,000. 6 weeks and it was gone. Not once did he buy groceries, pay a bill, or contribute in anyway. It all went outside the marriage: to booze, to drugs, to tattoos, to partying with the OW.
Nevermind his problems, and his depression, and in the end his fingerpointing...the financial burden alone is exhausting. I found myself accepting more and more crap he was handing me...out all night...pigstye of a house....sleeping all day while I slaved my rear end off...the other woman constantly calling my house...moodswings...lack of affection....holier than thou attitudes...suicide attempts...and on and on it went...each day worse than the last.... I was so tired too...It literally consumed every dimension of my life.
The AH has been gone a month now, and today is the first time that I actually woke up and felt a little better. I realized I could breathe today. When was the last time you could take a breathe and not feel that tightness in your chest and the weight of the world on your shoulders? I am not going to tell you that I just shrugged off the pain of losing a relationship and my partner. I am not going to tell you that it is easy...but I am realizing for my serenity, it is worth it. It really is worth it...and even though I have my bad days, I would not have done it any other way.
Sounds like you have an amazing kiddo on the way. Try to put your peace and serenity and the little one's too, and think about what would make you both better off. Give you and your child the life you deserve...some people can only be loved by a far...this may mean separate households...sometime, I can only love my husband through prayer for him and leaving him to God...
You are right....you don't need it...