drainedwife

Hi all!!

I havent been on for a while, and i think it is my way of living in sort of denial...when im on here it makes it all too real that my life is what it is.

Anyway, as many of you know, i have been dealing with my ah's substance abuse for years.....over 3 years now...maybe even longer...
yesterday was the first time i actually caught him in the act..I saw him about to do a line of coke in our downstairs bathroom.. I peeked in the window from outside when i was throwing out the trash..something told me to look in and there it was....
I told him I was done....I should have told him to get out then and there.
I told him he needs to get help...that he needs to just admit he has a problem and get help..he told me he wanted to finish up this last bit and work on his report for his job..his exucse for using is his job..its too demanding, too hard, too stressful, he cannot do the work..i told him then get a new job!!!! you have to get a new job....you would risk everything just to do your job?? it doesnt make sense?? what if you get caught? what if you end up with a stroke or heartattack...on and on and on.....
What i need from you all is the support to keep me strong...he is going to try to make me feel that he is not the only one with problems, that i am not good enough at mu job of taking care of the house and kids, that i should be so admiral of him and his generousity that i get to stay home.....
Also, i need to keep strong in my conviction that he needs to get help, or i cannot stay in this marriage..if i dont, i am saying what he did is acceptable to me....
my kids where just in the next room......

He started crying and i felt bad...i need to stop feeling bad for him and start taking care of me!!! and my kids!!

I really really need all of your support..i'm afraid im not going to be able to remain strong... i need to keep badgering him to get help..and if he doesnt, than i need to make a move...i need to get out of denial and into reality that his is just not going to get better and that i do not want to live this way anymore....

thanks for all your help..i dont know if i could do it without you!!!