Old 09-27-2008, 09:37 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
lovesmenot74
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 113
Oh MAN I'm so glad I found this forum ... I am feeling the EXACT same way right now!! That even an unemployed, drug using, liar, thief was too good for me!! I go back and forth from thinking ... there is no WAY he could be having fun or doing anything other than getting high with his buddies, to thinking that this new gf must be paying for everything like I used to ... to thinking ... maybe it WAS me ... maybe his life will get better after taking up with someone new ...

I have to have a conversation with myself EVERY day that he loved me when I had a good paying job and money in the bank and paid for us to do everything, and took him to places he would never be able to afford to go by himself ... when I was telling him what he wanted to hear ... and as soon as I required him to help out, get a job, etc ... he started being nasty and disappearing. Then when I had to leave my job for persona reasons ... he was eager to help me spend my savings and now that I wasn't working he STILL wasn't contributing financially even tho his welfare check was our only source of income.

I remember before I kicked him out, we were out of groceries and he went into town to pick up his welfare check and was supposed to come back that afternoon so we could get groceries. He didn't come home for 3 days ... lied, said he was waiting for the check ... when he really had picked it up already, given his friend money for food and bought a case of beer and KFC for himself!!! I had to ask a neighbour for food so I had something to EAT for the next 3 days!!!

I think it's hard to remember that as someone else said ... they aren't leaving because they've found someone "better" ... they've found someone that either supports and participates in their chosen lifestyle, or someone who is willing to support them financially or otherwise ... maybe even BOTH. Once they've sucked that person dry, they'll move on to the next person.

My ex hasn't been here since July and still his voice is in my head telling me that it was my nagging etc that made him leave ... that "there are things you can't take back" that is the last thing he said to me ... in reference to telling welfare he wasn't living here rather than allowing him to still collect here while he owes me almost $1000 and I had to borrow money for rent to avoid eviction. I told him there were a million things he did that couldn't be taken back and yet I forgave him for those things .... but what we see as loving actions they see as weakness I think ...

It's hard ... mine was perfect in the beginning too ... the most amazing love of my life ... I've never felt that way about anyone ... I thought we "got" each other and the pain we'd endured thru life ... problem is that I chose to deal with my issues (and still am) where he chooses to numb out and blame everyone else ... I tried so hard to help him ... comforted him when he was curled up in the fetal position crying ... but all the crying etc still isn't enough for him to face his problems ... he'd rather curl up and shut down.

Now that I'm left in financial ruin ... he wants nothing to do with me. I have nothing to offer him ... so he's moved on to someone else who can take care of him ...

*sigh* And I still love him.
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