You are feeling down about yourself because of what a mentally sick person thinks of you? Do his actions honestly surprise you? Why taunt yourself with what used to be anyway? Just because you are lonely don't think that your toxic relationship was worth it.
It also sounds like you were "in love" with what could have been.
It was what it was, nothing more.......nothing less.
It's time to move on. People reinvent themselves all the time. Take it for what it was worth and learn from it and be a better person because of it.
I know what it's like to have your life all planned out and then the rug being pulled out from under neath you but you eventually pick yourself up and this will be a thing of the past.
I wouldn't try to analyze it anymore. Let go with love, pick yourself up and brush off. You'll be ok.
