I understand what you are saying NYC. I, too, am having a hard time dealing with the disappointment. I, too, thought - knew - I found my person. I have turned myself inside out for him. To help him get where he said he wanted to be (he has mental illness in addition to addiction). There is no place I want to be except with him - except when he is using/drinking, which basically voids his mental illness meds, and all heck breaks loose. I have turned myself inside out to learn how to set the boundaries and enforce them, so that he can learn and grow into a healthy, mature man. And it is so frustrating to see his mom come along and undo all that I have worked so hard to do. I feel like she is stealing any chance of his recovery and growth. I feel like she is stealing the chance for me to get my husband back. I am dealing with some serious disappointment right now. And the fact that he goes running to his mommy, who he can manipulate, instead of making any attempt whatsoever to try to salvage our marriage, because I will not bend on my demands, is a serious, serious "kicked to the curb" feeling.
I really truly am sorry for your pain. I don't know how to rise from it either. I feel like I've lost myself as well. There is a "me" that functions day to day - goes through the motions - work, taking care of the house, the pets, paying the bills, etc. But where is ME? Who is ME? Would I recognize ME if she came to my door? How did this happen?
Hugs.