I came to this site today with the idea of reading, maybe writing, about what's going on in my head. Finding this forum, and this thread right at the top, it seems I (intuitively?) knew where I was going, for I came to the right place.
How remarkable to find another in so nearly exactly the same situation as I. Trying desperately to remain on a straight path, bypassing (for the most part) the pot (etc.), and switching over to alcohol for that escape the drug of choice gave. Always and only using alone, because what I'm doing is nothing about being social, no, it is solely about escape. Escape...from what? I know I can't escape myself. Suppose it's an attempt to escape the present situation, the present emotion, the present conflict. But it's always only temporary relief, if it's even relief. It's not like I can really enjoy the drug, whatever it is. 40 years into life I'd think I could stand up and face life. Instead I hide. I see I'm in good company here, as this seems a persistant problem among us all.