Smiley........ you can not control it, cure it, or cause it. This is carbon copy of what so many of us have been through...... including myself. You are NOT pathetic..... you are someone who is caught up in the throws of addiction.
Bless your heart...... you deserve so much more. I wish SO MUCH that we could just love them and make them SEE just how much they hurt us in this disease. But the truth is - we can't. We can only protect ourselves.
Your weekend sounded very nice....... and that you have a caring and kind support system. You ARE blessed!
Thinking of you ................................ xoxo