This is the dance of addiction - and I know it so well. He does this, I do that. I walk away - he comes back with promises. We try again. He says I'm too controlling and don't understand - he walks away. I beg him to try again, just one more time. He goes back to using and I walk away. Ad infinitum! Until one of us dies - or recovers.
I needed "detox" from the addicts in my life - just like they needed "detox" from their drugs. And it was horribly emotionally and physically painful. I'd start to get through it, and after a few days, I hurt so bad, I would go back - just a "little bit" - just crack the door. And whomp, there we were doing the dance again.
Just like the addicts have to substitute something for their drugs - usually AA/NA. I did too - Alanon/Naranon.
You can do this - hang in there - two steps forward and one back. You are not pathetic - you are moving on your path, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler