Hi and welcome! I have been in your position. His brother would come over and party. Or just plain show up when ever he felt the need. He has shown up in the middle of the night knocking on our bedroom window as I lay feeding my newborn son. He even accused me once of pouring rum in the trash can (it was bleach) to throw it away. So I handed him a straw and told him to drink up if he was that desperate.
Do you have anyplace you can go with the kids when these parties are going on? You say that they call you names when you dont join in. That is abuse to both you and your children. Your kids are also seeing this and hearing this. I used to get called a "stick in the mud" and worse because I didn't want to sit out back and drink a beer with the guys. That or because I refused to go get them beer if I had to take the kids out past their bed time.
There was a night last fall where his brother became threatening to me. I hope you never have to encounter anything like this. I knew that brother in law was physically violent when he was drunk to his girlfriend but never imagined that he would threaten me with it. Not to mention my son was sleeping right beside where he was screaming at me. You may think or they may say that they would never do that. Your husband may even say that he would never allow it. The only thing you can count on in situations like that is that drinking makes people unpredictable. My husband said the same thing but it still happened and he never did do anything about it. Brother in law now knows that he is no longer welcome here. Here is the link for the post.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-prayers.html Please keep you and the kids safe! Good luck!