marle, strangely enough I don't think about relapse when I think of the ex-abf. I figure if she's going to, it doesn't really matter who is there. The anger I had to overcome was because of violence. It isn't how she was raised nor my husband and I. It was bad enough that she was engaging in the violence but to keep going back to it was too much. That was a lot to forgive and only made possible by the grace of God. Still, knowing that she's around him at meetings makes my skin crawl. That may never change and only time will tell.