I understand where you are coming from, my addict is/was my son. We are taught at a young age that to love someone is to do whatever we can to help them overcome the obstacles in their lives and to insure that they have what THEY need to be healthy and happy.
What I have learned in dealing with my RAS is that in this instance in his life the only way I could help him was to let him go it on his own. I was loving him to death. I was the one that kept him from facing his addiction by taking over his bills, taking over his free time, and doing what was neccessary for him to live(ie food,clothing,money). When I allowed him to start doing all these things for himself, he realized where his life was headed, he went out and got himself into treatment and is now 120 days sober. He did this all on his own, but it took me loving him enough to let go of my addiction to helping him, for him to seek help for himself. Sometimes, IHMO, the only way they can get beyond this demon is for us to allow them to come face to face with the devil and get the tools to fight back. If we stand between them we are the ones that take the hits and they don't have to face reality or the devil.
In order for you to help him, you need to seek help for yourself. When I say to let him start taking responsiblity for himself, that doesn't mean you need to abandon him, I am still my sons biggest and most vocal supporter(now that he is in recovery), it just means that you are allowing him to be the adult he is and to make his own decisions. It is very tough for us codies to let go of the control and turn it over to a higher power, but for their sakes it has to be done.
Hope this helps
Barb