Gosh - I know that you must cringe with ice cold shards shooting through you each time you hear that he comes near. It strikes that chord in me too when I hear it because I can so easily associate my own fears. Even 3+ years later I feel it when hushand hass contact from/with someone from the "days". All I can tell you that I do is to breathe and then let go. You've stated your boundaries and basically, that's where it's left. The rest is out of the control of anyone but HP and them. When I feel like you have written here I take that fear sheet from the 4th step and write write write them all out. Each and everyone of them....what is affected if they happen. And then....as I struggle in my lack of control as the fear is spiraling crazy wild with a life of it's own....I take a look at what "part of self" is failing me. I then can address any possibilities of actions that I can take. What is left over then is to say that fear prayer. For some reason, that process helps me to feel at least a little bit better. And when I feel like that I am grateful for any sort of better. Even turning it down a notch is a blessed relief.
Fear feels so out of control to me and at least that process helps me to slow down and grab hold of the rope that leads to the life raft. Sometimes those emotions and fears make me feel like I am drowning. More often than not, I'm usually drowning in a pool that is actually only 3 feet deep. If I "put my feet down" I find that I am actually not drowning at all.
Thinking about you and praying that HP will pay extra attention to them and you.