Ugh!!!!
I was hoping EX BF would fade away into the past again.
I think I shared this once before with you, but I think its even harder for me to let go and stop trying to control when my son is in a better place and is showing signs of better choices. When I see that light ahead, and my hopes are back, anything that gets in the way becomes a worry all over again, and that control urge starts acting up.
I think some of it is that because my son is a bit healthier these days, he lets me in more, so I stick my hand in there again occasionally.
As for the Ex BF, I believe when someone has hurt your child and your family like that, just because she has forgiven and forgotten doesn't mean you have to. You don't have to invite him into your life, so do what you need, to keep your boundaries. you can take all the time you need for him to prove he's in true recovery.
But try to keep your relationship with your daughter about you two and keep him out of it. Keep praying that she'll do what's best for her. If she can change so can he. So if she's going to let him back into her life, pray he is on a better path too. God has a plan here somewhere!
Prayers for you!