Thread: Feelin' VERY ashamed right now :-(
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Old 09-06-2008, 12:17 AM
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Spycekat
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 32
Unhappy Feelin' VERY ashamed right now :-(
Gosh guys, I have been making the STUPIDEST mistakes of my life lately!! I mean, the stupidest, most ridiculous mistakes. I am literally making myself sick. Sometimes I honest to God feel like I'm about to fall down & just die.

Frankly, it's a VERY long story about my hydrocodone addiction, which I have wrote in another thread I posted. But anyway, to make a VERY, VERY long & lengthy story about how I became addicted, it was because I had several SEVERE dental problems.

So, I've been rx'd to it since 11/07 on a regular basis, until recently & suddenly got cut off.

First off, when I couldn't find any from the streets OMG I'm so ashamed that I look for it that way. Plus, I never had to find them on the streets.

I have been taking about 15 5/500 hydrocones a day, FIVE OF THEM AT A TIME three times a day. I did this for a very long time.

The very first morning when I didn't have any hydros. I felt like CRAP. I could barely get outta bed. I felt very heavy, like gravity was pushing me down & I had no strength or energy whatsoever.

So.... I did something horrible, despicable, unbelievable.... I took one of my mom's Rx diet pills. I stole from my mother, I have never done that before!

But, also most importantly, I am 5'1" & I went from 105-108 lbs pre-dental pain & because of my pain I couldn't eat & my weight got down to 92 lbs.

So, when I took that first diet pill, I was like "omg this is sweet!" because it really helped me get through my workday & have energy to do my daily chores. I REALLY REALLY LIKED THIS! I figured, "hey I can get off hydro's for sure with these!!!"

WRONG!!!! This started about 10 days ago & I've been stealing one from her about one every other day. Now I am 85 lbs & I am just absolutely miserable. I don't eat for days at a time. But I do drink tons of Ensure & of course, coffee & mountain dew *I'm such a genius ain't I** pshhh.

AND ON TOP OF THIS PROBLEM - I found a hook up for hydro's again, & I eagerly accepted them & have been taking them again. I'm so ashamed. My first thought was, I have to get off my mom's diet pills! So of course, because I'm an addict, I had to go back to my drug of choice. Why do these d*** things make me feel so good & energetic!!

I absolutely hate the feeling of W/D. I have made myself very paranoid & very, very malnourished & sick. I'm sooooo sick. My stomach hurts all the time. Ugh, but now I'm on hydro's, & I feel normal again!!

So anyway, I had to vent that out. Why would a 92 lb person take diet pills for energy... oh I do!! God I'm a freaking idiot.

I HATE MYSELF SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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