More clarification.....Yes, I've been in recovery for myself for about 10 months now, seeing a counselor, reading Al-Anon books and coming here. Still a long way to go, but I'm getting there!
I know why I have stayed for so long, for so many different reasons:
1. Lack of self-esteem in the past. Felt I did not deserve anything better than what I have. I have worked through this and feel great about myself and the decisions that I make!
2. I am an Enabler as well as co-dependent! I am working, working, working, and learning, learning about these behaviors and how they've done me no good!
Scorpiogirl....I think you are right on when you say God has done something for me that I'm too afraid to do for myself!
I have made contact with an attorney, but have yet to set the appt. I need to do this.
I have documented on my calendar those nights when he's out, and those nights when I work and come home with the kids still up, and I can tell he's been drinking. Don't know how well that will work for proof, but if it comes to it...maybe the court could depose neighbors/friends.
I know that he is serious about the divorce. He has honestly never planned anything in our 19 years together, I've always been the one to plan. And now, he has taken the responsiblity of planning our divorce, he's been doing research, really wants us to go to mediation, says I don't need my own attorney, 50/50 custody of the children....the list goes on!!
I don't think he has ever communicated so clearly to me as he has in discussing divorce!
Uuggghhh!!!!
Thanks all so much for your support!
Shivaya