Go to AA then if it's closer and you feel more comfortable maybe having people think you drink too much, rather than the real issue. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, either. Just go, listen, buy a 'big book' from the secretary at the end of the meeting, and ask for the free book 'living sober'. They should have 'em. Then when you read stuff, you just mentally substitute 'drugs' and 'addiction' for 'booze' and 'alcoholism'. It's all the same dang disease anyway, and the treatment is the same, too (barring very advanced stages of alcoholism).
Everything you're freaking out about right now, TRUST ME, it's all a function of withdrawals. Getting off the stuff messes with your head really bad, as well as giving you all kinds of flu-like physical symptoms. It would be hard for you to do, but if you were to look through all my posts here on SR.com to people going through withdrawals, you'd find that I almost always describe one of the symptoms as 'feeling like you just might die, and thinking that if you DID, then that would be okay, since at least then your misery would be over'. That's totally normal ... well, in a manner of speaking it's 'normal' ...
Look, this intense psychological distress of w/d's? This effect is a HUGE part of why people have so much trouble getting clean off of opiates, ya know? This is 'what happens' with these drugs. You play, you pay. It's that simple.
But ... what you're feeling now, it's not 'real', it ENDS, and fairly quickly, once you hunker down and tough it out, from the level of hydro's you were on (frankly, that's not a lot of dope that you're talking about doing ... what you do in a day, I used to do just to get out of bed in the morning ... and then I'd do a WHOLE lot more during the day) you should be right as rain in about 5 days, long as you don't cave and restart the whole process. How you feel now, the way you're 'thinking', TRUST ME, it IS *entirely* temporary, and making a full recovery, getting back to your old self, is not only possible, it's almost guaranteed, if you stay clean. YOU can do it, too
There's lots of posts here giving 'directions' if you will for getting through w/d's, I don't have time to rehash them, but do some poking around. Pretty sure I gave some to someone less than a week ago here...