((hugs ))
I know I had to grieve the loss of the dream, the plans I had for my marriage and family and future. I WAS sorry for him and his life, and I was sorry for me and mine. I don't see anything wrong with having compassion for your loved one who is struggling mightily with this disease.
What I learned in Al Anon was that I had choices. I had settled into the victim role and I had to acknowledge that I had choices. THEN I had to decide what to do with that new found knowledge ! There are some here who may immediately jump in and tell you to leave your marriage ~ because that's what worked for them. There are others who might share how they were able to find contentment and even happiness whether the A continues to drink or not, because they found a way to separate themselves a bit from the effects of the drinking and continue in the marriage.
The other thing I have learned is that feelings are JUST feelings, not facts. You don't have to act upon a feeling... you can just acknowledge it for what it is and SIT with it for awhile until you are ready to take an action.
We're glad you're here. I hope you'll continue to post and share with is.
Cats