It must be hard knowing he has been good to your kids and grandson....your sons are adults, they have the choice to maintain contact right? And ABF has the choice, every day, and the opportunity every day, to find recovery/sobriety.
Yes, my sons are adults, what I did not mention last night, (gosh this is so difficult and I seem to be only able to bring things out in little sections at a time) is my youngest son 23 is facing going to prison for 5 years for violation of probation, my oldest son 30, got fired from his job, so once again it's like no matter how much I tell myself, "It's not my problem", it often feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
I know I didn't cause, nor can I cure or solve anything, I just don't know how to put myself first. It sounds so selfish for me to try to put ME before anyone else.