Just now that change can be good and that the life you want, cant be achieved with an alcoholic who refuses to seek help. Read the blogs here. There are people here that married and alkie and had children and the marriage split up and they had to deal with all that drama. Spare yourself of further heartache and walk away while you still can and there is no marriage, no mortgage, no kids. Yeah, it sucks. You will be heartbroken, but doing the right thing isn't always easy and you need to look out for number 1 (you). Hugs to you and may you find faith and courage to do the right thing.