I have found over the years, first in recovery from my alcoholism and drug addiction and then from being a codie that the type of people I attract are directly related to what is going on, on my insides.
Thus I found individual counseling extremely helpful for me to work on me. First to figure out why I attracted the type of partner I did, then became aware of my own lack of self worth and with therapy and counseling worked through many things I was actually unaware of about myself.
In that process the pain of two marriages and two very long monogamous relationships, all of which had failed for various reasons, slowly abated.
You too can have the pain become a distant memory. LTD's suggestion of therapy is an EXCELLENT one.
J M H O
Please continue to post and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much, and most of us have been or are where you are now.
Love and hugs,