for me, detaching with love boils down to me recognizing my limits, and my needs.
If a relationship is draining and unhealthy for me, my limits of energy will tell me that it no longer works.
I must love myself enough to detach, or separate, myself from that person.
Remaining detached is when I stop watching the other person, measuring their progress.
I do so because, on some level I know it is a true act of love for them that I get myself and my agenda out of their way so that they may adjust, correct, and find the growth that is perfect for them, not me.