Originally Posted by
Reddmax 
It's most likely because I'm a conflict avoider. I don't like dealing in screaming, yelling, or anger matches, which is always what occurs. I have severe problems getting my mind around the goofy crap that the alcoholic says or does. Since I can't understand why it happens, it scares me.
Any personal stories about how y'all managed this trick?
For me, it's not a "trick." It was a total, complete overhaul of my beliefs and thinking.
Have you heard of the three A's? Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. Detaching is an action, but you cannot jump directly to action without the first two. It's a progression. It seems like you are in the awareness phase, but maybe not quite 100% on the acceptance yet. That would make it very difficult to take the action. As long as you are still "trying to get your mind around her goofy crap," then maybe you still think that if you can just understand WHY she does what she does, there will be something you can do to prevent it or change it. I had to get
my mind around the fact that I was never going to understand the alcoholic, never going to convince him to behave in a way that I considered to be "right," before I could detach.
You can't rush to the action before you move through the awareness and acceptance.
L