I detached from the craziness...don't know how much "love" was involved.
I decided that number one, I would not have any conversations that normally would escalate into loud arguments with my A while he had alcohol in his system. If he tries, I remind him of this boundry and walk away. In the 26 years we have been together...he has never opened mail or paid a bill, let alone know where we stand financially. Since I have set my boundaries, he has started opening mail and decided to "debate" our financial matters. I have offered to sit down and show him everything and share our finances with spread sheets and bank statements (while he is sober)...needless to say, he has refused several times. The information is available to him any time he wants to review it...the mail is left on the counter and bills and finances are on the desk.
I do not buy his beer on normal supermarket runs like before...I no longer buy beer at all. I no longer make sure he has cash in his wallet at all times...if he needs it he has to get it himself.
I cook dinner for the family, I no longer serve him. He is welcome to eat what I cook or fend for himself. I continue to do laundry for all, since it is more work for me to sort out and seperate his from the rest. I no longer do yard work as I never got it right in the first place (his opinion). I do what I have always done to maintain a clean and welcoming home environment especially for the kids.
I visit my family, taxi my kids, go to church, see friends and visit the library when I want to....all things he has tried to control in the past.
I'm sure there is more, but this was my most important start for my recovery.