First of all you are not an idiot!
it happens...and yes a meeting would probably be a good start if that is your choice of recovery! Coming here and being open and honest was an awesome start!
Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get moving again! Others have fallen and feeling sorry for ourselves without taking action to continue our journey is probably keeping IMHO ourselves in a victim role so get up and be gentle with yourself
and take action!
Breathe....... it takes time
Keep us posted and remember you are not alone- there is a lot of support here 24 hours a day!