Since I was dealing with two teenaged newly recovering sons - we had rules in order for them to live there. They had to be in an "aftercare" program - or weekly counseling (so someone other than their parents were giving them some instructions - and listening to their anger). And they had to be active in a recovery program - for us it was a meeting a day in AA/NA.
I had gotten used to calmness/serenity/recovery in my house - my husband and I in Alanon - and the boys in AA - and the other son in Alateen. And I was not willing to go back to always being afraid, the drama/trauma, do they need medication, whose fault is it, hanging with old using friends. It was a hard line to draw - but it worked for us. One son stayed sober - one left in anger after 3 years and was using for almost 20 years. But my husband and I found our own recovery through Alanon.
You'll find what works for you. I really love Ann's sentence - I learned to say things like that in a calm and loving way - over and over. Like a broken record. Amazing how when I stopped arguing and begging and crying and started to "act like a grown up" as my sponsor always used to say - at least I felt better about myself.
What a journey!
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
